Fears...

I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life -- and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do. -- Georgia O'Keefe

I love this quote and it was posted over on the journaling blog "A Fancy Word for Simple" (check out sites my sites of note list!). Fear is something we all have in some form or another, but it's how we deal with it that's important I think. I'm sure Dr. Phil would have a field day with this one, but I have had this long held fear that people won't like me. Now, that my surprise some of you and I certainly can't tell you why. I'm sure it explains many of my people-pleasing and perfectionist tendencies, but where it came from I'm just not really sure. It obviously has nothing to do with not being loved as a child - or at anytime in my life for that matter because I have a wonderful family that loves me unconditionally and that I'm grateful for.

It might be my experience with kids in school. I can't say I had "best" friends growing up. I was always one of the "floater" kids that had a lot of friends from a lot of different groups. I also had some kids treat me very badly off and on and make me feel truly awful. It's something that shapes us in some way though I'm not sure as to the degree. I did have very good experiences with friends too and often had more male than female friends. Funnily now, a couple of people that I would consider very good friends don't even live here, but that doesn't seem to matter.

The good news is that though this fear hasn't disappeared completely, I certainly care less with age. I am who I am now and I can't change how people feel about me. The only person I can control is myself and you don't know that as a kid. Maybe this is something I need to make an effort to teach Kyle and Nathan as they get older...

Hmmm.. that was a rather honest bit of writing this morning. Rather cathartic actually.